you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
