i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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