i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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