my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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