On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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