Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
