I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
