I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
