U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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