he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
