I think i peed on brittanys purse
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
