My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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