he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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