the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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