I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
being pregnant is like rehab
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
