well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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