Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
