Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The Olympian is in my bed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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