bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
