Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
