I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
