I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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