I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
