This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
