these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
