saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
