she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you never un-have a 4some
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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