OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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