Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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