i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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