And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
