my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
