yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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