We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
