I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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