she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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