I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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