I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
