I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
