Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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