Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
