just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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