lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
