Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
