this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
