I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
