i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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