I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
