I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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