I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
someone threw a dead crab at me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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