Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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