in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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