I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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