I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
