Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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