You work out of a Hotel?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
