3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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