laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
