he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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