She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
