I accidentally had phone sex last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
