I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
