you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
