Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize