i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
