Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
