I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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