So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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