allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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