She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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